Hello to all...
It has been way too long and I humbly apologize to any who still periodically check this poor neglected page.
I have been dealing with things lately that I am not good at dealing with; things better left in my Savior's hands...
Days like today when I am suffering from a lack of sleep are especially challenging. Clouds stubbornly fill my mind and refuse to budge. I crave to spend my day in the solitude of a good book, letting the characters struggle through challenges that I am too much of a coward to face.
Do I take this up in prayer? Ought to. Sorta want to. I know that it would mean facing some of this stuff... And I am lazy. Scared. Angry. Tired. Worn thin.
Joy is so fleeting, happiness overrated... Seriously overrated.
Days like today my heart wraps itself in this "safe" little shroud... Unholy.
Plain and simple.
I know it.
Change is scary and I'm facing a whole heap of it... And I have no idea how to hand things over to the ground before the cross to do so. I'm not so foolish, or prideful, to think I can do any of this stuff on my own. I can not even get to the hill of Calvary without His help.
Oh, Y'shua help... How oft I sigh this prayer...
Can you see me?
Can you look into my eyes and see the scars?
Can you hear the scream that lodges in my heart?
Can you feel the fear that shackles my soul?
Can you see this " fragile frame aged with misery"?
and "with crippled anger and tears that still drip sore"?**
No. There are none here on this earth that know the depths to which I have hurt. Just as I can never know how far your scars weep. "I am not alone!" No. None of us are.
Y'shua has caught all of our tears in His jar; someday He will wipe them all away...
I begin to understand some things about my own heart...
Mirror, Mirror, chained to the wall, hear my cry...
You hold the seed of freedom inside.
Your chains are the "damage" done, only you can let them go.
Often the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do.
You have Someone who can "swim" for you, if you let Him.
Do you trust what you see?
Do you trust what you feel?
Will you trust what is invisible right now?
PRAYER. TRUST. RESPECT. LOVE. HONOR. TRUTH. RIGHTEOUSNESS. HOLINESS. INTEGRITY. BELIEF. FAITH. hope...
There never is a "normal" because this side of the Fall is abnormal...
Thanks to any who have made it this far on this entry. Raw glimpses into who I am rarely follow patterns others can see... Welcome to my soul.
Loves to all and sundry,
Daughter of the King of kings and LORD of lords... me
**from the song "Cut" by Plumb. Few, very few, know the truth of this one for me... And I am "tired of dying inside just to breathe in"... Grace and peace.
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