"Black Sea" excerpt

She sat very still and straight in the dingy. Only in her mind was she hunched and curled around herself in fear. Apprehension and dread permeated everything here, in this place between. She had been Summoned to this dark place outside of time, though she knew not why or how. Her eyes darted from the shrouded Boat Keeper to the midnight expanse that ought to have been sky. The emptiness of that sight filled her with dread, her stomach knotted tight and her heart thumping against her ribs. Her gaze flickered to the water that was not water, black as pitch. It held her trapped fast. No reflections or ripples marred its glassy surface, though she knew it ought not be that way. Instinctively she knew its touch would burn with a salted acidity. It was death, this whole place was death. Death of all that was light and good.

She pulled her eyes away, forcing herself to look forward, beyond the Keeper and its long pole... To the island in the too near distance. She did not know how she could see it, that obsidian shore placed in the middle of this unnatural water. Yet she could see the individual shards that was the gravelly sand. It shimmered in the most peculiar way, absorbing what light might have ever been, like uncounted black holes. The void was total and complete and she did not want to go there. But she was Summoned. She had no choice. So very straight and still she sat in the dingy, struggling to stay sane and alive.


All these years later I still wonder at the Black Sea, and its Island... And at the other alive one in the boat behind me...
This is the place of my darkest despair, my deepest fears. The place to which more than one Summons have been given. And each time, I am sent back alive, if not whole. Were it not for the light and beauty of the Grotto and the Tree, I should have been insane and dead long ago.


-Excerpt, a very rough one from the first draft, of "Summons"

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Okay... So, how do you speak into a situatiomn that should not even be happenning??? Easy.

Lighten it up with Y'shua's light... That means TRUTH... AND NOTING BUT THE TRUTH.

Easier said than done in some circumstances. (Tell me about it!)

SO.

Here we are again.

Let's have some Truth, and nothing else.

nothing but
s
i
l
e
n
c
e

I'm going to bleed a bit here... No sharks, please.

Hello to all...
It has been way too long and I humbly apologize to any who still periodically check this poor neglected page.

I have been dealing with things lately that I am not good at dealing with; things better left in my Savior's hands...

Days like today when I am suffering from a lack of sleep are especially challenging. Clouds stubbornly fill my mind and refuse to budge. I crave to spend my day in the solitude of a good book, letting the characters struggle through challenges that I am too much of a coward to face.

Do I take this up in prayer? Ought to. Sorta want to. I know that it would mean facing some of this stuff... And I am lazy. Scared. Angry. Tired. Worn thin.

Joy is so fleeting, happiness overrated... Seriously overrated.

Days like today my heart wraps itself in this "safe" little shroud... Unholy.
Plain and simple.
I know it.
Change is scary and I'm facing a whole heap of it... And I have no idea how to hand things over to the ground before the cross to do so. I'm not so foolish, or prideful, to think I can do any of this stuff on my own. I can not even get to the hill of Calvary without His help.

Oh, Y'shua help... How oft I sigh this prayer...


Can you see me?
Can you look into my eyes and see the scars?
Can you hear the scream that lodges in my heart?
Can you feel the fear that shackles my soul?
Can you see this " fragile frame aged with misery"?
and "with crippled anger and tears that still drip sore"?**

No. There are none here on this earth that know the depths to which I have hurt. Just as I can never know how far your scars weep. "I am not alone!" No. None of us are.

Y'shua has caught all of our tears in His jar; someday He will wipe them all away...

I begin to understand some things about my own heart...

Mirror, Mirror, chained to the wall, hear my cry...
You hold the seed of freedom inside.
Your chains are the "damage" done, only you can let them go.
Often the hardest thing to do is the right thing to do.
You have Someone who can "swim" for you, if you let Him.
Do you trust what you see?
Do you trust what you feel?
Will you trust what is invisible right now?



PRAYER. TRUST. RESPECT. LOVE. HONOR. TRUTH. RIGHTEOUSNESS. HOLINESS. INTEGRITY. BELIEF. FAITH. hope...




There never is a "normal" because this side of the Fall is abnormal...


Thanks to any who have made it this far on this entry. Raw glimpses into who I am rarely follow patterns others can see... Welcome to my soul.

Loves to all and sundry,
Daughter of the King of kings and LORD of lords... me


**from the song "Cut" by Plumb. Few, very few, know the truth of this one for me... And I am "tired of dying inside just to breathe in"... Grace and peace.