In my head...

I live in my head. Really. Sometimes it's a great place to be; open fields of sunshine and trees, bees and flowers along the streams. Other times, most times these days, it's a very scary place; haunted shadows of twisted and torn things wailing and blurring the scene. Few people understand how I "work," what makes me "tick." Very few. I tend to hide, a lot.
If the sun, or moon, is shining bright, you might see a smile cross my lips. It might even stay for a bit, or better yet, turn into a laugh. I love being alive at these times, no matter just how crazy and stressed my life is. Words tumble in evanescent joy at these moments, leaving never-to-be-written imprints on my mental landscape... Sweet notes of song on the breeze.
Winter is hard, very hard, for me. My turmoils compounded by my photo-sensitivity, leaving me only half sane... At least I hope half. And even now, typing these things out, knowing that I will force myself to hit that "Publish Post" button, I am balking at putting more of "me" out there... out of hiding...
I get so tired of being alone, even when others are present. Less than a handful of people drive that "alone-ness" away with their presence, and that to varying degrees.
I know that no matter how hard I push, rebel, and otherwise ignore my God, my Y'shua, I know He's still there. I know He "gets" me, loves me. *sighs* And here is where my hiding becomes too palatable to push back anymore.

AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

Okay... So, how do you speak into a situatiomn that should not even be happenning??? Easy.

Lighten it up with Y'shua's light... That means TRUTH... AND NOTING BUT THE TRUTH.

Easier said than done in some circumstances. (Tell me about it!)

SO.

Here we are again.

Let's have some Truth, and nothing else.

nothing but
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Let us all get knocked over together... (For ACFW)

Greetings to you again, my Dear Ones.
I have just finished going through my emails and have been bowled over by the prayer requests, again. You know, I really thank Y'shua that He knows exactly what is happening in each of our days/nights/in-betweens. He knows what is going on in our hearts, minds, lives. The amazing love and capacity for understanding astounds me. It knocks me over, repeatedly.

Pain, physical and emotional, runs rampant in this fallen world, yet His hand holds us and guides us. He directs the Church to be His hands and feet when physical/earth-bound needs rise to the front.

I thank El Shaddai that He is a God of compassion; a God who knows what it is to walk in this fallen world. Emmanuel, God with us, and to Him be the glory forever.

I hold your travails and joys in my heart and bring them before His throne, my Beloveds. I may not know what you look like, but I know the One who does. He calls us by name, gives us our identity, and draws us into His family- into His arms. I love you, each and every one, who is called by His grace... And may that same grace pour out on you, cover you, and bring you solace. I will continue to pray, for that is what family does.

May the grace, peace, and joy of our Y'shua cover you and give you strength today- and every day.

Loves to all...

Hello again, my friends. Sorry I did not get back to you last night. I wound up doing a double feature. We watched "Elf" and "The Preacher's Wife." Kata- you and DH should watch that together... Tell him to make the time one night after new years. Denzel Washington does a good job, and I love the story in general. I love the old one, too. Christmas movies are great... although I really did not care for "Elf" at all! Ferrell did a good job with a bad script, but that about sums it up in my book.

My folks are having it rough with some clients of my Dad's lately and I find myself wondering at the grace with which my Dad is handling them. He REALLY is showing them the love of Christ, and only Y'shua understands how he endures their attacks. I really struggle with anger when those I love are being maligned so. This has happened a lot lately to my close and dear ones. DH, Dad, friends... It is too prevalent. I pray that I can extend the love and forgiveness Christ has shown me to those who need it so obviously.

My LORD came to save those who could not save themselves, holding back nothing good from us, and enduring the wrath of the Father in our/my place. I am in awe and humbled. As I sit here on my Mom's computer in the room that once was my own, I can not help but wonder at the changes Y'shua has wrought in my life, and in the lives of those in my family. These walls have seen a lot of things... And I almost wish they could talk. For all the foolish things, pain-filled things, the down right stupid things that have gone on here would only emphasize the wondrous transformations the miracles of El Shaddai's love have manifested. I know I am rather serious tonight, but that is who I am under all the playfullness.

I try very hard to not let myself become hard hearted and "old." I want to maintain a child like wonder even in the mundane. The mundane is not so mundane when viewed through the eyes of a child. I miss when things like taking showers or washing dishes all had adventure stories attached to them. Y'shua showed us how He did that. He loved parables that turned the mundane things on their heads. Eating meals became symbolic and significant, laughing with children held special truths, a boat ride gone "wrong" instilled awe and wonder worth a lifetime's study. Fishing and farming, loving and sorrowing, anger and joy, baking and sowing... All of it. Every last word of it. Every breath, every heart beat, every thought... Worship and prayers. His life and love were the ultimate adventure from the One who created all adventure. Human words fail to express the merest breath...

How I love my Y'shua. How I fail Him over and over. I am glad He knows the depths of my heart and soul, and "loves me in spite of myself."

Loves to all, especially to the One who holds me in His hands.